YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
