my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
