I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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