Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry spicy_mustard hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

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(517): View more from Michigan

The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1

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(706): View more from Georgia

having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..

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(+90): View more from Turkey

I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.

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(630): View more from Illinois

You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

I don't even want to know

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(949): View more from California

I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around

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(916): View more from California

He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.

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