Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
