You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sarcasm needs its own font
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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