Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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