I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
