Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
