I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
