I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
