What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
