one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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