Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
