I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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