this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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