he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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