take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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