its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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