the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
