eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
