I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
