My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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