Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize