does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
