my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
