see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
