marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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