I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
