Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
