Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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