My nipple is on Facebook.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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