so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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