Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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