dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
