I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
