Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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