What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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