so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
