Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
