I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
