mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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