drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to make out with him forever
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
