eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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