If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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