Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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