having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize