he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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