Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
