Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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