I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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