yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
