The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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