so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
