my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
