I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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