my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
