Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
