Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
