I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
