im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
